Successful Online Dating

A few months ago I wrote Yahoo! for Yahoo about a guy I had met in their personals. Since then I haven't written an update, even though the relationship seemed to be going swimmingly. I think my gut was telling me that if it seems too good to be true, hellooo Kay, it probably is.

Well, it's over, and I'm hurting pretty bad. I can tell you this for sure: never break up with a guy and have your elderly dog put to sleep in the same week. Either trauma is hard enough to cope with on its own; the double whammy is devastating.

Romance to Die For

There are so many things I can write about concerning this relationship and what I have learned. I think I'll start at the beginning…the incredible romance, the affection I sucked up like the desert during a rainfall, the conviction I had found my soulmate (how the hell did I think that?). My trip to fantasyland lasted a full three months, during which time of course red flags started popping up, and of course I totally ignored them. The fourth month I began to return to reality…but that's another post.

A romantic man - ah, the tender words, the fantastic nights, the constant affection, the morning wake-up phone calls, the evening in the Jacuzzi drinking gin and tonics, when he cupped my face in his hands and told me he had never felt this way about anyone in his life, how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. How could I resist? I was madly in love with the most wonderful, romantic man in the world.

Wake Up Call

Three months into the relationship, while still wallowing in the fantasy, I told him that my one worry was that he would cheat on me (apparently something had made its way into my endorphin-soaked brain). His response jarred me; he didn't protest he would never cheat on me…he said I would "know" long before it happened. Huh? Stupidly I didn't follow up on that statement, but it did stick in my head and started waking up the sensible part that had been comatose up to that point.

He's Probably a Cheater

Then I read an article that said if a man is too affectionate right at the beginning, too charming and tender, he's probably a cheater. Then I read another article by singles coach Tonja Weimer, Dating A Serial Cheater? How Serial Cheaters Can Seduce You (reprinted on Successful Online Dating by permission). What these articles said gave me a jolt, because they talked about exactly what was happening with me.

All I could think was, "Shit. He did say he cheated on his wife regularly, that they cheated on each other, and he didn't feel guilty about it - their relationship was so awful and he needed a woman to talk to once in awhile." How did I skim over that one? Because their relationship was bad?  So what? Because they cheated on each other?  Since when is that okay? Because he needed a woman to TALK TO? I don't think he spent much time talking to them!

Undying Love Forever - Not

The big slap on the head happened when I used his computer (with his permission). His Yahoo messenger immediately popped up with a list of women on it named things like Hot4You and WantItBad. (Men are so f'ing stupid - did he think I wouldn't notice? Or maybe it was intentional.) His email opened up automatically (I promise I wasn't snooping, at least at first) and an email with a very provocative subject line was sitting in there. Since I'm only human…yep. That's when I learned that while he was professing undying love forever to me, he was exchanging nasty pictures and chat with another woman.

I never said a word about it. I just went home and thought about the past 4 months. The rest you already know.

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