Before You Agree to Meet Him

Before you ever agree to meet a man from a dating site, you need to check for glaring red flags based his profile, emails and phone calls.

Watch for the big fat LIES.

Lots of people tell little white lies; they round up on their height, the job sounds a little better than it actually is, and I always assume the income is somewhat less than they claim (if it’s not, that’s a bonus). Some people shave 5 years off their ages – even that doesn’t bother me much – I did that for awhile, until I decided I wanted to be perfectly honest and not start a potentially important relationship with a lie.

The biggest lie is the relationship issue – divorced becomes recently divorced or separated as the emails commence. Or even separated but still living together – please, spare me that one! Who wants to go through the pain of being the rebound chick?

Does he only call Monday through Friday, during working hours? Is he unavailable on weekends? Is his photo missing on his profile because he couldn’t find time to upload it? Then we can pretty much assume married or a significant other. Ignore the excuses and don’t bother meeting him.

Do more children start popping up during conversations? This happens when they all have different mothers, and each one involves a lengthy explanation. Best to avoid this dude. He has a big L on his forehead.

Does he claim to be a doctor, lawyer, or other professional? Check sentence structure, spelling, and grammar. Among his interests, does he enjoy spending the afternoon in “Wallymart?” There’s a clue.

Retirement can be tricky. Some guys are truly retired. Others are just plain unemployed. Ask careful questions here until you reach the truth of this matter. If he’s real interested in your income, steer clear.

Photos - now there’s a can of worms. Are the photos within the past couple of years? If so, are they close up enough to actually see what he looks like? Are there any without sunglasses? Make sure he’s smiling in at least one of them, preferably without a beer in his hand and his arm around the cropped off shoulder of a woman. I saw one photo where the guy was peeking from behind a freaking tree – I have no idea what that was all about, but I sure didn’t want to meet him. The bare chested ones turn me off – I’m looking at 55+ age range guys, and trust me, I don’t want to see hairy chests, man-boobs and bellies prior to building a relationship. Love is blind, pre-love is not.

Beware of sex talk before you meet a man who professes to want a permanent loving relationship and swears he is not a player. If his focus is on sex before you even meet, he’s a player.

Pay attention to all communication; ask questions, especially if you suspect a lie. You don’t have to grill him, just lead the conversation, asking your questions as you respond to his.

Trust me on this: it sucks to get all dressed up and go out, thinking you’re going to meet your Prince Charming, to find an absolute toad of a man, which you would have realized was the real person you’d been communicating with, if only you had taken off the rose colored glasses and paid attention sooner.

Written by Kay
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5 Responses to “Before You Agree to Meet Him”

  1. sona says:

    yuck! i have to agree…man boobs are a total turn off!

  2. says:

    Before You Agree to Meet Him…

    Watch for these glaring red flags in his profile, emails and phone conversations before you agree to meet a man from an online dating site….

  3. Mandi says:

    Kay – these are all great pointers. It’s so tempting to believe everything you read, especially when they sound like exactly what you are looking for. Even a skeptic like myself can be carried away by possibility. This is a great list of things to watch for to keep yourself grounded!

  4. dazzled says:

    Sona – I don’t expect perfection, but my feeling is don’t flaunt your imperfections!

  5. Kat says:

    I’ve found that the problem that I experienced in the past is that no many how many red flags went off (and I was quite often correct), I wanted things to be perfect and convinced myself that I was wrong… But woman’s intuition is a gift. I was a fool to ignore it. Sometimes I wonder if I still am… Regardless, I try to be stronger and smarter than I used to be and I hope that other women heed this advice.

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