What exactly are the qualities that men go for? And…can you develop them? If you would like to be the girl that every guy falls in love with, here are the universal truths found in every woman who attracts and keeps the man she wants:

1. FEMININE
Men are visual creatures. They are drawn to a woman who takes exquisite care of her nails, hair, skin, and teeth. She cares about how she looks in her clothes, which is usually subtle, rather than suggestive and shouting, “Here I am!”

She may not look like a movie star but she’s okay with that. She feels that she is attractive enough to date anyone she wants. (Dating statistics show that 67% of U.S. men find that someone who smiles a lot is more captivating than someone who is just physically attractive.)

An irresistible woman has a quiet attitude of self worth that is enticing. The more you hang out with her, the prettier she gets. What exactly is it that makes her pretty? Her femininity! This is what makes a guy feel even more masculine.

2. CONFIDENCE
An irresistible woman is someone who has found the traits and innate abilities she was born with and has honed them with hard work. Whether she can draw, cook, or add columns of numbers, she has turned it into a career. She has either gone to school for training or worked with a mentor. Consequently, she is good at what she does and she’s proud of it.

She doesn’t feel a need to brag but she doesn’t keep silent about it when asked. She shares the facts that show she has distinguished herself in her profession. She never flashes a big ego, which is a turn off.

Confidence, which has grace and ease, is sexy.

3. FRIENDS

You know why this girl can get any guy she wants? It’s because she’s a great friend and she has great friends. She’s fun and funny, she’s up for an adventure, she keeps her word, and you can count on her. She doesn’t let people take advantage of her and she is loyal to those she cherishes. EVERYONE wants to be around her because they feel good in her presence.

4. NURTURING
Because this woman is accomplished and feminine, when she takes care of you, it feels delicious. She fluffs your pillows when you sit on her sofa, bakes cookies or bread that fill the house with a heavenly aroma, and pots flowers for the front door. She’s “nesty.” Her home is an oasis away from the noisy world. When she turns her nurturing powers on, men will swim shark-infested oceans to get to her.

5. LISTENING
It’s a sad and defeating situation when a woman is so insecure, she can’t stop talking. Many people talk all the time because they don’t feel like they are enough. An irresistible woman does not try to fill the air with words. Men love women who smile at them and ask questions about their work and their lives. Women who get asked out a lot know how to listen to their answers.

Unfortunately, the women who talk all the time are unaware of what they are doing. If guys don’t call you back, ask your best friend why they think that is so. Be sure and listen.

6. OPTIMISM
Being pitiful is not attractive. One of my clients said he met a gorgeous woman on the Internet. On their three-hour date, she talked non-stop about all the men in her past. She said they had treated her like a weed in a garden: pulled her out, roots and all, and thrown her away.

She finished her long story with, “So, I hope YOU aren’t going to be like that!” My client said he couldn’t wait to get home. He never called her again. (Statistically, if a guy doesn’t call within three days, there is a 97% chance he will never call.)

The irresistible woman is not looking for a guy to make up to her all she has suffered. She carries her sorrows in life with wisdom and class. She’s happy in the moment and excited about tomorrow.

With over 46% of the adult population in the U.S. listed as unmarried, there are more singles now than ever before. You have every opportunity to date and find the love of your life. If you want to attract someone fabulous, read the above. Learn how to become one of the women who is irresistible to men. You can do it.

Have a wonderful week, and remember to send me your dating questions at tonja@tonjaweimer.com.
With warmest regards,
Tonja

Guest author Tonja Evetts Weimer is a coach, columnist and author of Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends. To contact her, email tonja@tonjaweimer.com or visit www.tonjaweimer.com.

Should you go? If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you will find value in what is offered:

* Would you like to know how to meet someone special?
* Would you like to know what your blocks are to meeting that person?
* Do you want to have a date for the holidays? (Because they’ll be here before you know it.)

Join Tonja for the free session: “HOW TO MEET SOMEONE SPECIAL”
When: Tuesday, September 14^th, 2010
Time: 9:00 PM Eastern; 6:00 PM Pacific
Length: One hour

How: Go to http://www.tonjaweimer.com/how_to_meet_someone_special/ to reserve your space TODAY. Time and space are limited. Follow the link to get enrolled and they will email the phone number and access code to you.

First, you should know that your initial results will likely be far from a fairytale ending. Dating sites usually make you take some kind of personality and lifestyle assessment in order to come up with your ideal “matches.” Some of these assessments are rather generic, so your matches will be far from tailored or vetted. With generic matches you might get matched with someone who’s only common trait is your love of pizza.

Other dating sites force you to take very specific and probing assessments. The result? You may get rejected! These dating sites only accept what they deem as healthy, happy, stable people as candidates, which is far from fun for our mostly neurotic population. Even if you are accepted, you may not have a match within two hundred miles. Makes finding a date a little more difficult, doesn’t it?

Nothing is free and good sites charge a monthly fee. On top of having to pay for internet access, a decent computer and a digital camera to get your picture on the web, you’ll have to pay what is sometimes $20 a month to get your information out there. When you add all this into the cost of the actual preparation and dates you go on, it makes dating a much more costly affair than it needs to be. There are totally free dating sites and you can do things cheaply, but remember, you get what you pay for.

Sometimes what you THINK you want is not what you should be having. While some people are enlightened enough to know exactly what they are looking for, the majority of us only delude ourselves into thinking we know. Part of the dating process is trial and error, and dating sites will usually match you with a number of the same kinds of people, which theoretically can become the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall.

Dating sites can be extremely helpful, especially for those with busy lives. There are plenty of stories out there about people finding the love of their lives online. It can also be useful to check out a dating site if you’re just getting back into dating. However, as with almost all online offers, it is important that buyer beware. A healthy dose of skepticism can be your best friend. Best online dating sites that are superior offer a free trial for you to test drive their wares.

If you want to meet wonderful guys, date more, and find the man of your dreams, you would be wise to understand what makes a man tick. If you don’t know that men are visually stimulated, hormonally driven creatures, then you are way behind on the learning curve. But you would do well to remember some other universal truths. Perhaps not all men have these characteristics, but generically speaking, file the following information away in your dating memory log:

1. If he doesn’t call or text you after you first meet him…you get one text and one only. If he doesn’t respond, let it go. For whatever reason, he’s not there for you.
2. In the early stages of dating, if you’re over 35, keep him away from your parents or family members if they’re all dying for you to get married. Their pushiness or over-exuberance at meeting their future “whatever” could scare anyone away.
3. He will be very impressed if you can cook…and even more impressed if you can cook well. Cooking is seductive. You don’t have to do it for every date, or even once a week, but making dinner for him once in a while will earn you lots of brownie points.
4. Guys stay interested in someone who is interesting. Your work, hobbies, and individual endeavors that you love to do can lead to conversations that are compelling and captivating. They give you a unique perspective that he is eager to hear about. Talking about shopping or what your girlfriends said or your trip to the hairdresser is not going to hold his interest. If he starts to yawn, you are off the mark.
5. Guys are attracted to lots of women, but the ones they bond with are almost always the ones who don’t rush into physical intimacy. The longer you wait to sexualize the relationship, the more they trust you—and desire you.
6. He isn’t a mind reader. If you don’t speak up and tell him what you want and need… he won’t know. You deserve to be treated with kindness, patience, and generosity. You deserve to have your needs honored. He hears you best when you speak softly and don’t carry a baseball bat.
7. The chemistry is either there for him, or it isn’t. It can’t be forced. (And if you don’t feel it for him, don’t hang on until “something better” comes along.) But if he says he “just wants to be friends,” that means it’s not happening for him and it’s not going to. Nothing you say or do is going to change that. Be a grownup, be kind, and walk away.
8. Watch out for the expectations of what you think he is, what you want him to be, or what you think he will become “once he gets to know you.” Expectations— and wanting people to be the way we want them to be—are the source of all of our misery in relationships. Expectations cloud your vision and make it so hard to just “be” in the moment. Accept what is—including the fact that if he isn’t it, you’ll have to keep dating other people until you find the right one.
9. He doesn’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends. If he asks, keep it general. If you need sympathy or understanding for being mistreated in the past, you need to talk to a friend, mentor, or counselor about it. If you complain to him about your past hurts, he thinks you want him to DO something about it. He can’t, even if he wants to. And you don’t want to manipulate him into a relationship by making him feel sorry for you.
10. He doesn’t tell you how he feels about something because he doesn’t know. Guys are not as intuitive, introspective, or in touch with their feelings as women are. He can’t tell you something he isn’t aware of.
11. He likes to hear compliments. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge him. He wants to know what you like about him and that he makes you happy. He also wants your respect. He is not as confident as you may think he is—or, he may think he is.
12. He wants to be with someone he is proud of. A man likes it when people admire the woman he is with. He wants you to keep yourself looking good, probably has a few private fears that you will let yourself go, and definitely always wants you to be dressed appropriately and dressed to please him—not other women.

Did your mother teach you these things when you were growing up? If she didn’t, now’s your chance to learn what every woman needs to know about men. These are the one dozen qualities that will help you become—a very SAVVY dater.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

With warmest regards,

Tonja

Published with permission. Tonja Evetts Weimer is the author of Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends. To contact her, email tonja@tonjaweimer.com or visit www.tonjaweimer.com.

One of the many ways to build trust in a relationship is to be predictable. Forget what people say that you must stir things up. That’s not true at all. You need to be constantly consistent in you relationship to build some trust with your partner. You also have to be reliable too because that goes much further that just coming up with new things to keep things exciting.

Don’t keep secrets from your partner. Never try to commit the mistake of lying by omission. Once your partner finds out that you’re keeping a secret, they will find it hare to ever trust you again. When you start lying to your partner, it will become worse and worse. Little lies may sound not dangerous at first but eventually, those little lies will become bigger and you will have to come up with more bigger lies to cover up the little lies that you started with. This cycle will go on and on until one day, you will realize that you have lied to much although you never meant to in the first place.

Be sincere in what you say. Don’t just say things for the sake of words, do it and show it to prove that you really mean what you say. Your words have to match what you do. You have to prove the sincerity of your words through your actions. Your actions have to at least speak louder than your words.

Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you need. Your partner can’t read your mind. So communicate your needs as much as you can so that your partner will know how to cater to you.

A relationship requires a lot of work. It requires work for it to be successful. You will come to terms with crisis, emotional problems and questions in your relationship. Embrace them and work hard to make your relationship stronger. As your relationship grows, you will also grow with it.

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