Back at looking at dating profiles, I’m seeing the same stuff that SO turns me off!

Granted, this is all from a woman’s point of view, but Mandi and I would love it if one of you guys did a corresponding guest article about women’s dating profiles.

Let’s get started:

1. I’m handsome… Damn, I sure couldn’t tell from your pics, thanks for letting me know!
2. I look and act 10 years younger than my age… Yeah yeah we all do. Get over it. Or grow some hair.
3. I keep fit and expect a woman to do the same… Um, excuse me, but in that pic of you at the beach I see a distinct belly above your Speedo. Also, at 58 I don’t have the body I did at 28, so if that’s what you’re looking for, let’s just pretend we didn’t see each other.
4. My friends all say I’m wonderful, fabulous… So, having no self-concept, you had to poll your friends?
5. I hate being on this site… I hate that you’re on it too. Do us all a favor and delete yourself.
6. I’m sensual… Say it one time, okay, I get it, you may be older but you’ve got Cialis and you still like sex; say it three times throughout your dating profile and we all know you’re just looking to get laid.
7. I cant… spelll for sh*t…or USe; spill chick…or, WRIT LIK a Nurmal, Porsen… We have nothing in common.
8. Occupation: I’ll tell you later… Unemployed, huh?
9. Age: 60 Children at Home: Full time… Either a spoiled 20 to 30-something kid that you dote on, or 3 elementary school age kids from a younger second wife. Either way, I’ve raised mine and moved on. See ya.
10. The photo of you with your arm around a woman whose face is either erased or cropped so I can only see the far left side of her head and hair… Tacky, tacky – it just may be time to get some new pics, dude.

Now, just to show that I’m not a total biatch, in a couple of days I’ll post profile stuff that I like.

Well, it’s over, and I’m hurting pretty bad. I can tell you this for sure: never break up with a guy and have your elderly dog put to sleep in the same week. Either trauma is hard enough to cope with on its own; the double whammy is devastating.

Romance to Die For

There are so many things I can write about concerning this relationship and what I have learned. I think I’ll start at the beginning…the incredible romance, the affection I sucked up like the desert during a rainfall, the conviction I had found my soulmate (how the hell did I think that?). My trip to fantasyland lasted a full three months, during which time of course red flags started popping up, and of course I totally ignored them. The fourth month I began to return to reality…but that’s another post.

A romantic man – ah, the tender words, the fantastic nights, the constant affection, the morning wake-up phone calls, the evening in the Jacuzzi drinking gin and tonics, when he cupped my face in his hands and told me he had never felt this way about anyone in his life, how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. How could I resist? I was madly in love with the most wonderful, romantic man in the world.

Wake Up Call

Three months into the relationship, while still wallowing in the fantasy, I told him that my one worry was that he would cheat on me (apparently something had made its way into my endorphin-soaked brain). His response jarred me; he didn’t protest he would never cheat on me…he said I would “know” long before it happened. Huh? Stupidly I didn’t follow up on that statement, but it did stick in my head and started waking up the sensible part that had been comatose up to that point.

He’s Probably a Cheater

Then I read an article that said if a man is too affectionate right at the beginning, too charming and tender, he’s probably a cheater. Then I read another article by singles coach Tonja Weimer, Dating A Serial Cheater? How Serial Cheaters Can Seduce You (reprinted on Successful Online Dating by permission). What these articles said gave me a jolt, because they talked about exactly what was happening with me.

All I could think was, “Shit. He did say he cheated on his wife regularly, that they cheated on each other, and he didn’t feel guilty about it – their relationship was so awful and he needed a woman to talk to once in awhile.” How did I skim over that one? Because their relationship was bad?  So what? Because they cheated on each other?  Since when is that okay? Because he needed a woman to TALK TO? I don’t think he spent much time talking to them!

Undying Love Forever – Not

The big slap on the head happened when I used his computer (with his permission). His Yahoo messenger immediately popped up with a list of women on it named things like Hot4You and WantItBad. (Men are so f’ing stupid – did he think I wouldn’t notice? Or maybe it was intentional.) His email opened up automatically (I promise I wasn’t snooping, at least at first) and an email with a very provocative subject line was sitting in there. Since I’m only human…yep. That’s when I learned that while he was professing undying love forever to me, he was exchanging nasty pictures and chat with another woman.

I never said a word about it. I just went home and thought about the past 4 months. The rest you already know.

Or So You Think!

What happens when you come across a profile of someone you know from OUTSIDE the online dating world?

Do you

• message them and see if you hit if off?
• ignore them and pretend you didn’t see it?
• secretly look at their profile and hope they look at yours?
• delete your profile, blow up your computer and move to Antarctica?

This has actually happened to me on more than one occasion. In fact, it’s what prompted this entry. (Guess what I was doing 5 minutes ago! Yes, we really do use online dating here!)

For Instance…

Example 1: There is a guy I know at work – very sweet, but very non-datable. From the conversations we have had, I just know he’s not someone I am interested in. Plus, he asks out ALL the females there. So, he was getting a little bit more forward (no where near an HR issue) and I felt bad….so I told him “I have a boyfriend.”

Sweet, I’m off the hook…..until he found my profile on a dating site, and messaged me a few months later. This time, I was slightly more up front, via the safety of the Internet, and told him I don’t date guys at work (see next example for why this isn’t 100% honest.)

Example 2: I met a guy sort of through work (see my post about Social Networking) and we went out a few times. Then we stopped seeing each other. Then we started “seeing” each other again. It was totally cool, because he worked in a different department, in a different building, and we never left anything on bad terms, just awkward at times.

Of course, now he works in MY BUILDING, in the same part I do, where he has to walk by my desk all day long. I really don’t mind, he and I are still friendly. However, when I am on a dating site, and I come across his profile as on of my top matches…it does cause me to stop and think.

It’s a Small World

I have also come across guys I went to high school with, boys I am friends with, and other people I work with. For the most part, I personally choose to ignore them as a match. Unless they message me, I simply pretend I didn’t see them on the site.

However, for a non-work situation, it may be that little spark you needed to let a “friend” know that you are available, and might be open to at least entertaining the idea of dating. If seeing your profile is what lets him or her tell you that they are interested in you, awesome.

See Who Looked at Your Profile

Also, just a tip – make sure the site you are on doesn’t let users track who’s looked at their profile before you hit up that co-workers page out of curiosity, unless you are fine with them knowing you looked. The same rule applies when looking at ex’s profiles too, remember, if you can see who looked at yours, you can bet they will know if you peeked too! (Kay’s note: sometimes you can turn off this feature before you go check them out…I know all the sneaky tricks.)

Chemistry.com has a great Olympics deal going on right now – 3 months for the price of 1!

This online dating site started as an offshoot of Match.com, with a different focus. On Chemistry.com, you take a fun test where you pick men (or women) that you find attractive. They then try to match you up with the types of people that match what you initially were drawn to. When you log in you’re presented with photos and profiles of these people, and you can indicate whether or not you feel you

• Yes have chemistry
• No don’t have chemistry
• Maybe have chemistry

This approach may be just the ticket for you, and what better time to give it a whirl? Just click on the banner to get the 3 for 1 deal and go have some fun!

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The scope of online dating is really so much wider than just sites like E-Harmony, Match and PerfectMatch. On one hand, I really think the fact that EVERYONE uses the Internet, and it is now considered so much more legitimate than it was 10 years ago has really reduced the stigma of online dating. It has also opened up a whole new way to meet new people.

What is a social network?

Here’s a great video that explains how social networks work, and how they can be beneficial:

As you can see from the video, social networks and introduce you to people in ways that are often not available in the day to day world. I had a guy who noticed we were friends with many of the same people, but had never met. He communicated with me via our MySpace accounts and then when we met with a group of friends, sparks flew. While the chemistry was so obvious, most of our fiends razzed us about it, not one of them had ever thought to introduce us to each other.

I’ve also had my fair share of really dirty, nasty messages from people who just want sex. This is why I make my profiles private, meaning you have to be added as one of my friends to see my information.

Background Research

These sites are also a GREAT place to do some background research when you meet someone on a dating site. Case in point, a guy I met on OkCupid back in November. This guy and I had lots and lots of instant message conversations before the first date came around. After he had asked me out, and we had decided on the where and the when, I got a little curious. So I searched for him on MySpace. And in less than 2 minutes, I found him. There was no doubt in my mind I had the right person since he was using the same photo on both his OkCupid and MySpace profiles. However, the next thing I saw caused me quite a bit of concern. His relationship status said “Married” and by looking at his friends list, I was able to find his wife.

However, keep in mind that while they can be a resource for you to research potential dates, you have to take everything with a grain of salt. My status on these networks will often say “In a relationship” when I am not, for various reasons. You also want to keep in mind what kind of information you are posting – how are you making yourself appear? Not just friends use social networking sites. Employers will often look at their employees’ pages, and some people have even been fired for information posted.

Play it Safe

If you choose to look at social networking for friends or for dating, remember to play it safe – all the same rules for security should apply.

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