Continuing our serious on mistakes women make with men and how you can avoid them – from Christian Carter, author of Catch Him and Keep Him.

Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.

Lots of women don’t even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.

Understanding that Men Think Differently

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.

As a result, they often don’t understand non-verbal communication as well as women.

And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition.”

Women don’t seem to remember this about men.

So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their attraction mechanisms triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.

Looks just happen to be the most obvious way…

But looks are NOT the most powerful.

Know How To Attract Men

10 Secrets About Men

If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.

But it’s not an accident.

You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY woman can learn how…

Next: Read Mistake #3 Women Make With Men

Now one thing you need to know about me, is I am always decidedly unexcited about a first date. I become a terrible pessimist. So when I was telling my friends about it, I sounded less enthusiastic then I do before a dentist appointment. So I found all the things I didn’t like in his profile, and I found all the questionable areas and came up with scenarios that could be my worst nightmare. Thus fully prepared for disappointment, I set off to meet him.

I was pleasantly surprised! He looked better in person then he did in photos, he was honest about his height (I expected him to be shorter than me) and was polite and well behaved. So we got coffee and ended up skipping the movie and talking. For three hours. Now, I can usually do that with no problem, but it was a two way conversation. He listened, he remembered things I said, and we found out we really do have a lot in common. If this was a movie, cut to the scene of us riding off into the sunset, right?

So you ask – what’s the problem. Well, I felt no spark. There was not one iota of desire in me for this guy, no tingles, no wondering what a first kiss would be like. In fact, at one point I was mentally running through a list of people I could introduce him to. I’m pretty confident (but trying not to sound cocky) that he would not say the same thing. In fact, I got a nice follow up email from him that expressed how much fun he had, and he’s already mentioned possible ideas for future dates.

So what’s a girl to do? Well, this is where the 5-Date rule comes in. He raised no red flags, and was not repulsive. I was just not in lust, and that’s a good thing. How many times have we had someone “grow on us” as we got to know them better? Five dates can give you a chance to get to know them, and see what happens.

Now it could be that nothing more than friendship ever happens here. However, I realize if I walk away now, I’m not being fair, and I’m letting my hormones have control over my life…and frankly, they don’t usually do that great of a job.

So, if he asks, I’ll go out with him again, enjoy the company and see where it goes. If after 5 dates I still feel nothing for him, then I’ve given us both a fair chance, but in fairness will need to end it so it doesn’t drag on forever.

This blog has sat idle for some time, mostly because I was busy developing a wonderful relationship, getting married, and settling in.

Here’s the story – I decided to try OK Cupid at Mandi’s urging…she said the tests were fun to take and it’s a free dating service. So I did, took some tests, and checked out some profiles.

There were some contact emails, but at that point I was so jaded I really wasn’t interested in any type of relationship. Besides, my son was here on leave and I was busy spending time with him.

One night Nick went  out partying with his  buddies, and out of sheer boredom I got on OK Cupid to look around and see what new test I could take. I got an IM from a guy named John – I had already checked out his profile, but he looked too much like somebody I knew so I’d decided I wasn’t interested (see how fickle I had become?).

Normally when someone IM’s me I click out of the site, I’m that bad. But that night I responded, and pretty soon we had a nice little conversation going. Over the next few evenings we had some long phone talks, but I refused to meet him because of an eye infection I was dealing with – I wasn’t going to meet anybody with a patch over one eye!

He persisted, and when my eye got better (he says it took 2 weeks, I say 3 days) we met for coffee, with my one stipulation being that it NOT be at a Starbucks. John turned out to be a really nice guy, but when he asked if he could see me again, I was really on the fence, and he knew it. I had recently read an article by a dating advice guru about giving someone nice 5 tries, because it takes that long to really get to know a person.

So I said okay, and the next 4 dates were lovely. But that whole time, I was still on the fence. I thought he was a super guy, but to be honest, I wasn’t feeling that strong physical attraction (lust) that drives some relationships. John knew it, too, and didn’t push me at all.

Then one day, I started looking into his eyes when we were talking – really looking. What I saw blew me away. There was so much caring there. That’s when I started feeling a stirring in my heart for John.

He grew on me, that’s the only way to put it. Over time, John became an important part of my life. The stirring in my heart caused stirrings elsewhere, but it was all part of a whole.

John asked me to marry him on New Year’s Eve. I was not expecting it! I said yes, and on March 6 we got married in the Little Chapel in Las Vegas, in a sweet, touching ceremony. It was very emotional for me – I cried the entire time, and John had tears in his eyes too (he says not, but I saw them). The limo took us back to Paris and we had a romantic wedding dinner in the Eiffel Tower.

The past 4 months have been wonderful. We are amazingly compatible. There’s no drama, no rollercoaster rides, no fear or uncertainty. We work out our problems, bitch at one another occasionally, laugh a lot, and cuddle up together every night. He’s my rock.

I could not be happier.

Mandi and I appreciate comments and emails from readers. We sincerely try to provide help and guidance in the online dating arena, and when someone spends the time to write a well-written email like this that has a strong opinion of a site, we feel it’s in your best interests to print it.

We received this email from Stan, and decided to print it in its entirety to warn you of his opinion and experiences with Chemistry.com. I have to admit that I’ve been having some of the same issues since I joined; in fact, it’s been several weeks and I haven’t even had email correspondence from anyone on the site.

Thanks, Stan, for taking the time to write this:

borderline scam?

Hi, not sure if you guys tried out chemistry.com but it’s a borderline scam. Supporting that site is going to lead to disappointed readers.

The problems with chemistry.com are numerous.

dating preferences ignored

1. It ignores your preferences. It keeps matching me up with people who would have no interest in me or vice versa. For example, I describe myself as average in build, and it matched me up with someone who only wants to meet athletic people.

2. Distance. The site is insane. I live near LA. I have millions of people all around me and it keeps giving me matches that are 50 miles away. Do you know how long it takes to go 50 miles in LA? Lots and lots of hours!

garbage profiles

3. Garbage profiles. They match you up with people who sign up for free accounts! Those usually don’t bother with pictures and have a few sentences describing themselves. Worthless.

4. More Garbage. On top of that they keep matching you up with inactive accounts as well as the trial accounts. These are people who can’t contact you.

5. They’re not even showing my profile to anyone. It’s been days since my “Interest” count jumped. By “Interested” it means someone saw my profile, doesn’t even mean they’re really interested in me. How is it that they can find 10 matches a day for me to look at, but can’t find anyone to show my stuff to?

This is a complete scam. My “active list” currently has 23 people on it from whom I’m awaiting a reply. None of them have replied – you know why? Because they’re not there.

By “reply” it’s not like they have to send me an email. They simply hit an accept or reject button. Being that they’re not even rejecting me, it’s hard to not be suspicious.

no way to get your money back

This site is a scam and I’m seriously considering contacting my credit card, the better business bereau, the chamber of commerce in their home city.

At this point I just want my money back and their policies don’t even allow that.

This site is a scam. Please warn your readers.

Thanks Stan, for your input. We also have an article about my personal experience with Chemistry.com.

First, the search: I used my personal account and my actual search criteria (single, straight men in my geographic area, between the ages of 28-36), and I went directly through the results, skipping no one, and reading every profile. See how much I love you, our readers…

The Bare Truth

Out of 50 profiles, I was impressed, only 3 shirtless photos. I really thought I would find more.

Signed with Exs and Ohs

However, out of the same 50 profiles, I found 13 profiles with their ex-girlfriend either in the photo or poorly cropped out. That’s 30% of profiles! Keep reading, because it gets worse from there…

Random Tidbits

All of the following describe actual photos that are on their profile, or real statements from their profiles. Really, I couldn’t make this stuff up (and I have a darn good imagination.)

• A drunken photo, where there is a girl licking another girl’s chest (clothes are on) he has is arm around the girl getting licked.

• A large photo of a bruise (I think it was his leg, but I’m not sure).

• A photo of a guy humping a large statue.

• A photo of a guy picking his nose, same guy different photo – he’s wearing short, short shorts and hasn’t seen the sun for years…

• A 5 year old photo of a guy in a wife beater (at least his caption said it was 5 years old…in reality, probably 10).

• A very manly man getting a tongue kiss from a very fluffy dog.

• Incredibly blurry photo of a guy flashing gang signs….and I am pretty sure he’s not in ANY gang…maybe the chess club…

• A user name of No cliché…

• A photo of a man and his ex – he did not crop her out. No, he drew an arrow on the photo and wrote “This could be you!”

• A photo of a guy in a Jack Daniels Tennessee Whisky shirt passed out in the grass.

• A photo of a guy humping and or riding one of those reindeer made out of Christmas Lights you put in your front yard…

• A guy whose “specialty is definately (sic) giving full body massages. (Very large, strong hands).”
• A guy who stated his “current goals include finding a job.”

• This one is actually awesome – A photo of a guy with a baby tiger…

And people wonder why online dating just doesn’t work for them?

Note from Kay: And I thought the old guys were bad!