Checkup Calls and Code Words

When you go out with a guy you’ve met on an online dating site, how do you ensure that you don’t get caught in a really bad situation with no easy way out? Don’t let this fear prevent you from dating; instead, take precautions. Let me explain how to do it.

Years ago, before the days of meeting guys from online sites, I went out with a guy I had met casually, ignoring the little voice in my head, aka intuition or a gut feeling, that kept saying Don’t Do It!

It turned out to be the date from hell, and I was scared to death after the first half hour. I considered jumping out of the car at a stoplight at one point, and I don’t know how I managed to keep him from walking me to my door. All ended well, but I’ve never forgotten that episode.

Now when meeting someone for the first time, or until I’m fully comfortable with the person, I arrange for Mandi or another friend to give me a call about half an hour into the date, then maybe an hour later, and so on.

I usually make a casual comment to the guy about how my friends worry about me and like to make sure I’m safe. That way if he is a psycho he’s on notice.

We have pre-arranged code words, one if I need to get out of there, and an additional one that means something to the effect of “Call the cops!”

I like the ones I use, and don’t want to give them away, so I’ll give another example. For instance, your friend could ask if you looked at the car you were talking about…if things are fine, just say no. However, if you need a quick out and it’s awkward to just get up and leave, say yes, it was a Ford.

At that point she can remind you of an early morning appointment or whatever else the two of you have decided on, and you can smoothly get out of the rest of the evening. She should continue to call and check on you until you’re safely home.

If you say was a Ford Mustang, it means you have a serious problem on your hands, and the two of you must have a pre-arranged action for her to take if this happens. That may mean anything from her coming to wherever you are and extricating you, to calling the police because you’re in danger (it was a red Mustang).

Think about something that you could easily work into a quick conversation, choose your code words, and work out a plan with friends. Practice a bit, too. Hopefully you’ll never have to use your code words, but to use a cliche, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

In 4 years of online dating I’ve never had to get away from someone in this way, but it’s still a comfort to know that someone knows where I am at all times, and that I have a way out if I need it.

Written by dazzled
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4 Responses to “Checkup Calls and Code Words”

  1. Dondon says:

    Great Tips..You Ladies really believe about that intuition thing? Well, I think we guys should be a little bit more careful because of the power of the intuition of ladies..

  2. Kay says:

    @Dondon – I’ve never been sorry I’ve followed my intuition, but I’ve sure regretted the times I didn’t!

  3. Bill Gere says:

    Your ‘code word’ idea is very good, as is having your friends call you throughout the date. One of the hot topics at my online dating site is dating safety. It’s unfortunate that we live in a society where we have to be so cautious, but it is always better to be safe than to be sorry.

    I recently published an article about Dating Safety Tips and feel that it is a good complement to your excellent post above. Please remove the link if you do not feel your readers could benefit from the article, but I think between your post and my article there are quite a few pieces of good advice for anyone who is meeting someone for the first time – either through an online dating site, casual meeting or blind date.

    Keep up the great work!

    PS Please email me if you would be interested in having me write a guest post for your blog.

  4. Kay says:

    @Bill – thanks for your comment, and link to your article. Mandi and I are both big on safety, and any article that addresses the issue is important.

    We’d love to have you write a guest post for us, especially with it being from the male point of view!

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