First Dates – Short and Simple

first date - coffee I recently went on a blind date with a guy I met on a dating site. He asked if I wanted to have dinner. I countered with coffee and “let’s play it by ear.”

Why would I pass up the opportunity for a free meal in this economy? Well, because I didn’t want to be trapped to an hour of tedious conversation if the date wasn’t going well. What could be less appetizing than suffering through a meal across from someone you just don’t want to be with? Maybe trying to make small talk with spinach stuck in your teeth?

We met and got coffee, and found a place to sit and talk. Without the distraction of ordering, menus, waiters and all the other things that happen in a restaurant, we were able to have a real conversation.

So, how about meeting at a bar for a drink; alcohol can make everyone a little more relaxed and help the conversation get going, right? Well, I have a couple of issues with that.

First, I know that I’ll have a tendency to drink more when I’m nervous, and the last thing I want on a first date is to be drunk enough to make an ass of myself, or worse, poor decisions. Secondly, you want to get to know the person, not the party persona. Dosing the date with booze can drastically change the direction of the first meeting.

Most importantly, I value myself enough to know that no one should need to be buzzed to spend time with me, and I have enough confidence to know I don’t need a cocktail crutch to carry on a conversation.

The other idea he had for the evening was seeing a movie. After the coffee, while the conversation was still going well, I asked if we could skip the movie and just continue talking.

Getting to know him as a person was more important than a seeing a movie and eating popcorn. How much can you really learn from person while sitting in silence, staring straight ahead? Ok, there are two VERY important things to learn from going to a movie – seating preference and talking during the show. Both of these things can be important in the long run. However, I feel that you can wait to learn if your date will be constantly chatting during a movie until you decide if you like other things about them.

After our date, he did follow up with an email stating he was glad we didn’t see the movie and got a chance to talk. I was glad that I got an opportunity to have real, in depth conversation with him.

While there’s no future between us (no chemistry!) I felt that I was able to make a real, sincere decision about it because we got the chance to talk. Had we seen the movie, we may not have gotten to know each other well enough, and it could have ended up wasting our time and allowing someone to get hurt.

So when planning a first date, especially a blind date, remember to KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid.) Deciding if there will be a kiss goodnight is totally up to you!

Written by Mandi

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2 Responses to “First Dates – Short and Simple”

  1. Matthew says:

    I never understood the concept of the movie date, you don’t get to know the other person and because you might be nervous you don’t enjoy the movie as much. The coffee date, even though it’s pretty much cliche, is usually a pretty good bet and facilitates talking and conversation.
    .-= Matthew´s last blog ..Vegetarian Singles vs. BBQ Singles =-.

  2. Mandi says:

    Matthew – You got it, I think it’s all about conversation! After all, the idea behind a date is to get to know each other.
    .-= Mandi´s last blog ..First Date – 5 Fantastic Ideas for 1st Dates =-.

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