How to Know When a Man is Interested

The following post was guest blogged by Bill G. of Web Personals Online – an online dating and personals site that provides advice about using online personals effectively and successfully.

Is He Really Interested?

Women who use online personals have a number of hurdles to overcome to determine whether the responses they are receiving are from genuinely interested parties or from individuals who may not be as interested as they are in pursuing a relationship.

The following post will address some of the issues that women who are using online dating services must deal with and will also attempt to offer some insight on how to realize when a man is interested, as well as what guys are looking for when they respond to online personal ads placed by women.

From a Man’s Point of View

From a man’s perspective, there is typically much more competition for the women at any given online dating site. This is because more men than women use online dating sites. The result is that women are often presented with two types of responses to their online dating ads.

The first kind of response they are likely to receive is the type from guys who just ‘play the numbers.’ These are men who figure that because there is so much competition they may as well respond to as many profiles as possible and hope that they receive some responses.

Women should be on the lookout for real short, terse, and somewhat generic responses to their personal ads and pay close attention to the content of the responses they receive to try to determine if the guy even took the time to read the woman’s profile.

One good idea for women who are joining an online dating site is to join with a friend and compare notes. For instance, if the woman and her friend are both receiving similar responses from the same male members this is a pretty good indication that these guys are just ‘playing the odds.’ Typically, these guys are more interested in casual encounters and may not be looking for anything more than a one-night stand.

Although there are exceptions, women should be very judicious in determining who they respond to.

When a Man is Interested

The second type of response a woman is likely to receive is from a man who may be genuinely interested in her and took the time to find out about her by reading her profile before responding to her online dating ad.

A man who is genuinely interested in meeting a woman at an online dating site for a potential relationship will be much more likely to read her entire profile and actually be interested in what she has to say. Women need to evaluate the responses they receive from men to determine if the response is from a guy who falls into this second group. The content of the response should be enough to determine if the guy actually falls into this second group.

Women should look for comments about specific items in her profile in the man’s response, which would indicate that he took the time to read her profile. Another positive sign that the response may be from a genuinely interested member is if there are questions related to the woman’s profile, personality, her hobbies, or interests that she mentioned in her ad.

If the guy is soliciting more information from her, this should indicate that there is genuine interest on his part. There is a much higher probability that if the man is from this second group that future communication could lead to something more. Men from this second group are typically more serious and selective.

When a Man Stops Calling

A common complaint from women who use online personals is that men they have met online sometimes stop communicating with them or that when things seem to be going well, the guy stops calling.

Typically if a guy is from the first group, he may be more interested in making a quick score. If the guy treats online dating like a numbers game, the woman who thinks he is genuinely interested in her may not realize that as soon as he receives a response from someone who he finds more attractive or potentially easier to seduce, he may drop her without warning or explanation.

Guys who are interested in pursuing a more serious relationship often provide longer responses, comment on specific items in the woman’s profile and ask questions that indicate they are interested in getting to know the woman on a deeper level.

By focusing on communicating with guys from the second group mentioned above, the success rate for women who use online dating sites should definitely improve and there should be less chance of a guy who seemed interested, at first, losing interest later on.

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Written by Bill
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22 Responses to “How to Know When a Man is Interested”

  1. Dondon says:

    Well it’s very easy to tell if a guy is really interested with a girl..For me, if I’m interested with my date, I will be calling her the following day to ask for another date again then do an everyday text asking her if she got a good rest/sleep, that’s it…

  2. Robin says:

    Well, that was an interesting article but it didn’t answer the question how to know when a man is interested! I’ve met one guy in real life after “meeting” online. We still email but it is hard to know if he is interested. He’s shy and a Pisces, who are supposed to be notorious about not showing how they feel. I really like this guy but am starting to feel that he’s a waste of time…like he just wants an email pal.

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  4. Rebecca says:

    Hi. I was emailing a guy on a dating website, whereby, he started emailing me first. We got talking and it turned out we had hobbies in common. Days went by and we started chatting online and then for the past three days he has stopped. He invited me to go to his sports club with him and as soon as I replied back, asking when he’d like to meet up just to let me know, I haven’t heard back from him. I felt really disappointed. Would one suggest that he’s not interested?

  5. Kay says:

    @Hi Rebecca – It’s too bad he backed out on you, but unfortunately that’s not uncommon. Some guys get cold feet when it comes down to actually meeting.

    Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself – it’s obvious he has some kind of issue even though he was interested in you. Maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought he was to meet someone new.

    The best thing to do is write him off and move on. He’s not the right one for you – and you have plenty of other fish in the sea to check out!

    Hang in there. I’m happy to say that there are lots of online dating success stories, and I hope you’ll write back after you’ve found your true love!

    Kay

  6. Michelle says:

    Talked to the guy a few times before meeting, he asked to meet. He made reservations at a restaurant and paid for it including my valet parking. The date went well (so I think) good conversation and during dinner he said there were more dinners to come with me of course. After dinner and dessert he asked me if I was ready to leave I said yes and then he gave me a hug and we said our goobyes. He didn’t say I would like to see you again or anything. He did call when I was driving home and asked if I was ok and then when I got home I called him to thank him for dinner and let him know that I had a great time and would like to do this again. He told me I looked nice that night and sexy andt said yes we definitely have to do this again….this was last night so what should I do now???

  7. Kay says:

    @Michelle – live your life as usual and wait to see if he calls you. It’s actually been a few days since you wrote this, so now I’m curious…has he called back?

  8. Jade says:

    Hi. I went on a date on Sat night and it seemed to go really well. He was the perfect gentleman, seemed to intiate another meet up a couple of times on the date, walked me back to the car, said he had a nice time and grabbed me and kissed me. We have txted each other since and spoken online. He said yes we will meet again but not sure when. He also asked me if he was what i expected and was concerned that he made a move on the kiss too soon. We talked for a bit and then at the end of conversation he said speak soon with a couple of kisses. He has not been in touch since and that was monday. I know he started a new job yesterday so im not sure if he has been busy or is he just not interested?

    Please help

  9. Katie says:

    Yea hi everyone! :)
    I have a quick question see theres this guy I met online like the begining of this month. And at the begining of feb we would talk all the time online and everytime we would talk we would talk like 3-4 hours. We have serious chemistry and if we talk we talk forever. He then called me and again SERIOUS CHEMISTRY and we got along great talked for about 3-4 hrs again and even agreed on like everything. He told me he really enjoyed talking to me and looked foward to meeting me eventually. So then after that we would talk online because he said he was to tired too tired to talk on the phone, and we havent talked on the phone since but we would talk on aim and through texting. So we planned a date for one night like a couple days before. And a little before the date he texted me saying he decided he didnt want to go b/c he was too tired and wanted to be 100% for me I said ok thats alright np. So we would talk and talk from there frequently not everyday tho cuz he said he was too busy. And we planned for another night the next date a little right before the date he texted saying he couldnt make it b/c he just got a call that his dad got in a car accident and I felt really bad cuz he’s a good guy so I said oh im so sorry its ok theres always other days. So we talked again after that through text him saying he was super sorry and i was like ok np and he was liek thanks for being understanding. since then we have talked a little but we have not talked a lot he has not signed on to aim at all hardly and the last time I talked to him was like 5 days ago. I even texted him like 2 days ago and he didnt answer them or one of my messages online. Now I dont kno if he is really just like super busy or if he’s ignoring me now or not that interested. idk what to do about this guy cuz I really like him and I think he really likes me too cuz he told me I was not like other girls and that I was special and that even though he hasnt met me he was already slightly falling for me lol. So idk what to do I’m so confused!!!lol.

  10. Candy Smith says:

    Katie, you are allowing this man to be disrespectful to you. If he doesn’t have any follow through, he is just not that into you. Men will treat you like a door mat if you don’t have any standards and self respect. This one isn’t worth your time and energy.

  11. Brittney says:

    So, theres this guy I REALLY like, but I have NO CLUE at all to tell if he’s interested in me or not. We ususally talk at night, but we could go on talking for about 2-3 hours till its about 3:00 A.M. Whenever we do talk, we always end up teasing eachother. He always teases me more and he always ‘wins’ at the game that we’re ‘playing’. One day, I decided to tell him a little bit more about me than teasing goes. For a few days, he didn’t mssg me first like he always does. He ALWAYS would mssg me first whe I would come online. I ended up mssgs him first for a while and he wasn’t that into the convo, and thats how it went for about 2-3 days. The next day I confronted him, why he backed off or if I sent him away or if he was mad at me. He said he wasn’t mad at me but he was just busy with things for his college reading articles. I checked on the site that we met on, and he’d logged on everyday. After that, I went on vacation for 10 days, and when I came back he mssged me first, (finally!), and we talked for a while, teasing again and talking about normal things and how he’d playfully make fun of me and he said he really missed talking to me, and he felt like something was missing, ‘no one to pick on’ is what he said. I can’t tell if he likes talking to me because I make him laugh or I’m entertaining him or he’s just interested in me because he ALWAYS teases me and we’d have a WHOLE day to see if he’s nice to me or not, (if he can make a whole day without teasing me). So, I don’t know what to do now. Is he just teasing me for fun, or because he likes me, or is he just the type of guy that I shouldn’t consider myself getting serious with? He also only lives about 30 minutes away from me, but we havent talked about meeting once. We’ve been chattin for about a month now. What should I do?

  12. Kay says:

    Hi Brittney, It sounds like you’re having fun, and he enjoys flirting with you, but you may as well resign yourself to the fact that that’s all he wants. If nothing else is going on right now, and you enjoy the teasing, that’s okay, but don’t get your hopes up. If he wanted more he would have made a move long before now. Besides, always remember, you want a guy who is into you and pursues you, not one you have to wonder about and keep after. Those guys are never worth it. ~ Best of luck and thanks for writing, Brittney! Kay

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  14. Shirley says:

    I met someone online who I felt an attraction to. He told me I was beautiful and awesome and we chatted briefly. I have contacted him four times, of which twice he responded. I have not heard from him. In my last email, I asked if he was still interested, if not I would stop contacting him and wished him the best of luck in his search for a long-term partner. What should I do? I still feel something for this person.

  15. Kay says:

    If a man is truly interested in you, he will pursue you. Let it go. Your time is best spent with someone who is really interested in you.

  16. Hi, congrats on a nice post. I’d just add. If you can hold eye contact … hold his gaze for half a second, smile and look at the floor/other direction. Then expect about eight seconds and look backward.

  17. mertley says:

    I met this guy on a dating website end of January (he initiated contact) and he was really keen. He asked to meet up and when I agreed, he didn’t get back to me, so I asked if he was still interested and he said he was still very keen and suggested a night. I mailed him my number and he contacted me a few days later.

    We had a few convo by txt (and there were some flirting on both sides) although he was and still is a sporadic txter and he takes absolute ages to reply and sometimes a day will go by before he replies. We agreed to meet up a couple of weeks ago, only for him to cancel as he had made previous plans with some uni friends which he forgot about.

    We enventually met up on valentines day and it was a really good evening, there was loads of chemistry, he paid me loads of compliments said I was absoultely gorgeous and ticked all the right boxes and even some he didnt know he had, we seemed to connect and he said alot of things that suggested he wanted some sort of long term relationship (including wanting me to join a team he was putting together for a sporting event). We kissed and were a little intimate, and the end of the night he looked right in my eyes and said he would love to take me out the following friday, to which I agreed.

    After the date, we both exchanged txts and he said he loved the evening. During the week we exchanged a few txts and there was more flirting. When I txted him late thurs night to ask if we were still on, he said definately and asked where I had in mind. When I sent him my reply asking what time he would be free he did not respond. I then txted him on friday afternoon asking if we were still on and should I make alternative plans and still no response. He txts me back about 7ish saying he had just finished work (he has quite a demandind city job) and was really tired, he looked and felt a wreck and could we postpone without me ‘shutting him out’. I was quite upset at this point (as it was second friday in a row he had cancelled on me) and did not respond, he then txted me again asking if I was upset, to which I replied that he is very confusing and that I hope he feels better, then he replies and says that was a cold response but it was deserved. I called him and he didnt pick up, I then txted him saying I wasnt being cold just that he could have told me earlier so I could have made other plans and that I really hoped he gets better. To which he doesnt reply.

    I then notice that he has been checking out my profile on the dating website. I txt him on the sunday (two days ago)asking if he wanted to meet up later to which he didnt reply and I have not heard from him since.

    I am confused as he seemed really keen, and when we met up and via txts he had made lots of references to really liking me and wanting to see me again and a possible longer term connection. So I keep thinking what could have changed in such a short space of time, has he met someone else, lost interest or maybe I am just reading too much into it? I do like him alot (and I am usually quite laid back and difficult to impress when it comes to guys)and wonder if I should ask him if he is still interested or should I just leave it?

    ps: sorry about the long post lol

  18. Kay says:

    Hi Mertley, I love long posts like this, so don’t apologize!

    Back in the day I would have been as confused as you are, and probably trying to figure out how to work this out. But now that I’m older, more experienced, and can take an objective step back, situations are much more clear to me. Forget about this guy. He doesn’t know what he wants, except maybe the possibility of sex when he hasn’t had a long day at the office. It sounds like he’s attracted to you, but not enough to make a real effort at a relationship. I highly recommend you read the book He’s Just Not That Into You and take it to heart.

    Put yourself on a pedestal, and make guys work for you, Mertley. You sound like a really nice young woman, and you deserve a guy who truly wants you and will make the effort to pursue you. There’s a guy out there who will meet you, fall madly in love with you, and do everything he can to win your heart! Best of luck to you!

  19. mertley says:

    Awww! thank you, you are absolutely right! I should take a stance!

    PS: funnily enough he txted me this afternoon, apologising and asking for another date. x

  20. anastasia saenz says:

    Hello from the Lone Star State.
    There’s this guy I befriended from another place in Texas – a small town north of here, and I told him about myself (interests, a memory growing up, my TOP fear, my birthday, my name – of course, my account on the site). He replied to me 2 days later, telling me his interests, his interest in talking to me, how he was used to certain girls, like me (a city girl), how all his other female friends had a ‘somebody’, how the other females acted ‘strange around him’ and all. I saw that he’s currently employed, he went to college for engineering and drafting. From then on, he and I e-mailed each other, ranging from 24 hours to a few days within. The last time I sent him an e-mail was on the 2nd of this month and I haven’t gotten a reply from him. I don’t know what to think or feel about him, anymore. His e-mails indicate his interest in me, his responses to my messages – nothing much about him, however.
    I’d really like some enlighment from you at your convenience.
    Thank you

  21. dazzled says:

    Hi Anastasia, do you mean the 2nd of March? That’s 2 days, and you indicated that he doesn’t respond immediately. So it sounds like this is within his range. If you meant February, then I’d write him off.

    One thing you said raised a red flag to me, though, about how he said other females “act strange around him.” That is not a typical comment a guy will make. If you continue to communicate with him, try to expand on that and see what he means. You’re already confused by him, and I have this very strong feeling you need to proceed with caution. I recommend you read the book Red Flags: How to Know When You’re Dating a Loser. It will help you gain some insight on him…maybe he’s just a geeky, shy guy, but then again, maybe you should move on.

    Good luck…let us know what happens :)

  22. Cc says:

    Hi, this is really weird, but im confused and i need some help.

    I met this guy online, we dont live in the same country so its kinda hard to meet in person, we’ve started talking 3months ago, and we still are talking till this day. the 1st day, i added him to my like-list and he wrote me a msg a couple of hours later that day, saying hi and that he liked my profile and that my profile stood out etc. so we would email each other with like a 2days gap, mainly because I would wait a little before I would respond to his msgs. then he askd if i had a facebook account and that I should add him, so we could talk there.. and we have for 3 months and chatted too as often as possible.. but not longer than 1hour. b/c of our time differences. we do talk about how our days have been, what were going to do in the weekends, he asks about me, says thanks for sharing things with him, he asks me to pray for him and he prays for me. he tells me about his family and so on.. so we do talk.. but I dont know where we stand, that we dont really talk about on both parts.. and i dont like to ask that question.. and lately we havnt talked that much, but we do talk more or less with 24hrs-2days gap. he always asks me if im online and when i am he msgs me right away.. but we only talk for like 15-20mins.. and he’s replies on mail are shorter now than before. and I think its b/c a couple of days ago, he said there was a phone line on the website we met, and maybe we should try it. and i said, maybe but its a bit weird with my family around since my family doesnt know i’ve been talking to you.. and he responded, he didnt know that my family didnt know.. and ever since then.. its been short/quick mgs and shorter chats than usual.. could it be b/c of what i said or maybe he is just bc this week? (cause he actually said he was bc)
    Im confused! I dont wanna rush things.. so its ok for me to take things slow. but I do wanna find out if its worth persueing.. and if he is interested in me for something more serious or just as an online friend? can someone pls help me?

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