Love – A Dangerous Word

It’s that four letter word that can change if not the world, the course of your life forever. We fear it, we desire it, we mock it and we talk about it endlessly. Love. The staple of Hollywood, poets, novelist and just about anyone on the planet.

What’s so tricky about it? You would think anyone would want to hear it. However, in a dating relationship, it can add so much pressure. I have no second thoughts about telling a friend that I love them, but bring in a guy I like, and that word would not cross my lips no matter what tortures you subjected me too. Why Mandi, you say, you sound like such a confident woman, how can two consonants and two vowels cause you to run and hide?

First Real Love

Well, my first real love was when I was just 18 and in college. After dating for around 6 months, I was as sure as every 18 year old with stars in her eyes can be that I found “The One.” So as I was heading back to my school on a Greyhound bus (we lived in different cities at the time) and he was hugging me goodbye…I screwed up every bit of my courage, and whispered “I love you” into his ear.

No response…nothing…I panicked, had a heart attack, analyzed and rationalized all in about 2.5 seconds. Finally, I chose the only option that made sense…HE DIDN’T HEAR ME!! (Now stop laughing, I was only 18!) So, I did what any insane teen girl would do…I said it again…louder…

This time he responded with that almost more magical phrase…”I love you too.” That bus floated all the way back to school with the way I was feeling. Fast forward a week or two, we are sitting in his apartment, I’m basking in his love…when he says we need to talk…Oh CRAP! Yep, we had the whole, I’m not sure I’m in love with you talk. You can’t take back an “I love you.” It’s just not fair…but he did, and while I think I may respect him more for his honesty 12 years later, I still remember the utter loss I felt to know he didn’t return my love.

The Tables Turn

A few years later, I was dating a very sweet boy. I warned Jake over and over that I was on the rebound and it was not a good time, but I was lonely and he was persistent. Finally, I gave in and shortly there after we found ourselves in bed. The second time we ever had relations, right in the middle, he looked deeply into my eyes and said “I love you.” This was not one of those heat of the moment, I love what you are doing statements. This was for real, and he really meant it. Now I know a little more of how poor Brad must have felt. I wanted to run; no, I wanted to move to another country.

Oh, The Pressure

The pressure of knowing someone loves you, and not being able to return that love is HUGE. Having been on both sides of the fence, one thing I know for sure is that timing is everything.

Now I am older and wiser, yet I am still terrified to say it to a guy. In fact, I have not been the first one to say it since that Greyhound Bus Stop years ago. Not in a dating sense. This post isn’t really an advice post, but I wanted to share a little of me with you.

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Written by Mandi

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4 Responses to “Love – A Dangerous Word”

  1. the success says:

    Where is your EC widget???

    the successs last blog post..My 10 Top Droppers for July

  2. sk says:

    Oh no!
    Its Lovely World’s LoVeLy Word

    sks last blog post..LoVe Self

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