Comments on: No Spark, No Hope? No Way!

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 02:14:30 +0000

@Kay – Thank you so much for your reply! I think I pretty much knew he just wasn’t right for me…but I guess I needed someone to put it in black and white for me.
It’s very frustrating! You’re right on that. The most frustrating thing is my past relationships couldn’t be what I needed (I guess which is why they’re in the past) and I struggled a LOT emotionally with them. But this guy was exactly what I’ve always wanted/needed. But not having that “spark” for him is insanely frustrating. I’m ok with it, and we’re going to remain friends…but it does make me wonder if I’ll ever find the “whole package”. Not knowing is also very frustrating.
But what you said makes complete sense and gives me some comfort. Thanks again for the reply!

By: Kay

Kay — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 05:26:19 +0000

@Amy – It’s frustrating, isn’t it, to meet someone really nice and not feel anything beyond the friend vibe! Your comment about not paying attention to anything he said is a pretty big clue that he’s just not right for you. You’ll meet a lot of nice guys that are only friend material – that’s why it’s so special when you meet someone who is not only a great guy but also makes you feel the “spark.” Thanks for sharing your story

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 03:30:54 +0000

Awesome advice!
I just met/went out with a guy I met on an online dating site and had a similar experience. We had a ton in common (to the point where I wondered if it was too much). We live several hours away and he drove almost the entire way just to meet me. He was already crazy about me before we even met. Based on his online pictures, I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him, but wanted to still give it a shot. Unfortunately, I wasn’t attracted to him at all in person. I wasn’t all that comfortable. Found myself not paying attention to anything he said. Really, I felt that this guy would make a good friend, but I just wasn’t excited about any type of relationship possibilities with him. I felt really bad about it, and disappointed because I was hopeful since we did have so much in common. I know you can’t force yourself to have feelings for someone….but he WAS really sweet and I don’t get how you can have SO much in common with someone but not want a relationship with them. I told him at the end of the date that I really just felt the “friend” vibe and I really didn’t see “us” together. He was obviously disappointed, as was I. But then he said he had been having the same feelings, but didn’t want to say anything in case I wanted to try for more. But he didn’t understand the feelings, either. How he could have a “great” girl with tons of things in common, but only feel like friends.
Is there just nothing there, or were we premature in calling the “friend” card?
I really don’t want anything with him…but I also know that can sometimes change. Although, I feel like my gut is saying it won’t.

By: Kay

Kay — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:25:03 +0000

I know, it really is.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:47:10 +0000

This is really good advice. Sometimes it’s hard to be honest and just let him know you’re not intersted.