Rejection Letter: Let Down or Put Down?

dear john letter Often with online dating, someone is interested in someone, but the feeling is just not mutual? So, what should we do when this occurs? Do you let them know? Do you ignore or block them? Do you immediately delete your profile?

Gentle Let Down or Nasty Put Down?

I have, in the past, sent a few rejection letters. Once, I had a gentleman I work with send me a message. Other times I have had someone message me multiple times. Both times I tried to be polite and let them down in a gentle, nice way.

I hadn’t really thought too much about the concept of a rejection letter until I got this from a guy: “Please NEVER contact me again. I am not at all interested in you.”

Wow, yeah, he used the word please, but was that a little harsh? Here’s the kicker – I never did contact him. I never emailed him, never winked or wooed, never did anything except look at his profile. That alone tells me to discount what he is saying, obviously, this guy has issues.

When is a Rejection Letter Appropriate?

This got me thinking…when is a rejection letter appropriate, and when is it just mean? Do you tend to ignore messages from people you aren’t interested in or do you feel that if they took the time to write you, the least you can do is write back?

I have no idea what the guy who messaged me was thinking. I don’t know if he was trying to be a jerk, or if he thinks he’s a fantastically nice guy for letting me know that I should not waste my time looking at his profile (and oh yes, I blocked him!) I would like to believe that he had good intentions….but how do OUR good intentions come across to the rejectee?

I Want to Hear From Our Readers!

I don’t have an answer today…I really want to hear from our readers. Have you sent rejection letters? Did you get responses to them? Have you received rejection letters? Were they nice or mean? How did they make you feel?

Written by Mandi

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11 Responses to “Rejection Letter: Let Down or Put Down?”

  1. Kay says:

    Great post, Mandi!

    I’ve tried it both ways…sometimes rejection letters are taken well, sometimes not. I have to admit I HATE getting them. I would rather the guy just ignore me. Same with those little automatic responses you can choose.

    I’d rather continue on my blissful and ignorant way, without having to dwell on why that guy didn’t find me interesting/attractive/worth getting to know.


  2. [...] More: Rejection Letter: Let Down or Put Down? [...]

  3. John G. says:

    I am John, Founder of Online Dating WORKS! Dont be disheartened by rejections; just roll the dice more!
    We write online dating profiles and do photo enhancements, please check out our services (100% money back guarantee).

    John G.

  4. John says:

    If im interested in someone and she’s not in me……i would rather her to tell me straight up….just tell me like it is…..why waste each others time beating around the bush!

  5. Nome says:

    if i love to anyone ! then i will told her directly ! i didnt wait for the time and didnt waste the time !

  6. SmooreYepMe says:

    Cute site! As far as the statement above, I would rather know up front than waste my time wondering if someone likes me or not. Sure, it might sting, but in the long run, the less time wasted, the more time you can spend on everything else in your life. Take this with a grain of salt from someone who spent six years with Mr. Wrong.

  7. Kaylee says:

    I’ve sent rejections when I wasn’t interested in someone who has contacted me. This is because I’ve read several complaints from guys in online dating forums saying that they’re tired of getting no response whatsoever. They’d prefer a short rejection note explaining why they’re being turned down so they know what to improve. When I send rejections, I sent them with information about what’s wrong with their profile. For example, I sent two rejections this week for the same reason–the guys smoked, and I didn’t want to date a smoker. The first one got a little offended and said “Well you must have some bad habits too I know I’m not the only one” and the second one took it very well. Because the second one took it well, I also sent him some suggestions that I thought might help him quit.

  8. Kay says:

    Kaylee, I think it’s nice that you send those emails. My husband used to always respond because he felt it was the right thing to do. I always hated getting them, though!

  9. Bea says:

    I always send a response, and have also had a lot of guys say thank you just for the rejection, because they think its better than no response at all. Short and sweet, “Thanks for the note, but I’m not interested. Good luck to you.” seems a little blunt, but to the point. If I say the reason why, I’ll try to make it something that’s not personal about them, but about my choices. Why tell someone what I think is wrong with them, when someone else might be looking for that very feature? I would rather say “I prefer a non-smoker”, than “no thanks, you’re a smoker”. I received my share of rejections, too, and it never feels good, but I’d rather know!

  10. Kay says:

    Bea – It’s good you don’t make it personal. You are right, it doesn’t feel good, but does give closure.

  11. Letting someone down online is the easy option for the person doing the dumping. Receiving bad news via email or chat can come across differently as opposed to doing it face to face.
    .-= Matt from free dating sites´s last blog ..babygurli123abc =-.

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