Romantic Men – Dangerous to Your Heart

how do you mend a broken heart A few months ago I wrote Yahoo! for Yahoo about a guy I had met in their personals. Since then I haven’t written an update, even though the relationship seemed to be going swimmingly. I think my gut was telling me that if it seems too good to be true, hellooo Kay, it probably is.

Well, it’s over, and I’m hurting pretty bad. I can tell you this for sure: never break up with a guy and have your elderly dog put to sleep in the same week. Either trauma is hard enough to cope with on its own; the double whammy is devastating.

Romance to Die For

There are so many things I can write about concerning this relationship and what I have learned. I think I’ll start at the beginning…the incredible romance, the affection I sucked up like the desert during a rainfall, the conviction I had found my soulmate (how the hell did I think that?). My trip to fantasyland lasted a full three months, during which time of course red flags started popping up, and of course I totally ignored them. The fourth month I began to return to reality…but that’s another post.

A romantic man – ah, the tender words, the fantastic nights, the constant affection, the morning wake-up phone calls, the evening in the Jacuzzi drinking gin and tonics, when he cupped my face in his hands and told me he had never felt this way about anyone in his life, how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. How could I resist? I was madly in love with the most wonderful, romantic man in the world.

Wake Up Call

Three months into the relationship, while still wallowing in the fantasy, I told him that my one worry was that he would cheat on me (apparently something had made its way into my endorphin-soaked brain). His response jarred me; he didn’t protest he would never cheat on me…he said I would “know” long before it happened. Huh? Stupidly I didn’t follow up on that statement, but it did stick in my head and started waking up the sensible part that had been comatose up to that point.

He’s Probably a Cheater

Then I read an article that said if a man is too affectionate right at the beginning, too charming and tender, he’s probably a cheater. Then I read another article by singles coach Tonja Weimer, Dating A Serial Cheater? How Serial Cheaters Can Seduce You (reprinted on Successful Online Dating by permission). What these articles said gave me a jolt, because they talked about exactly what was happening with me.

All I could think was, “Shit. He did say he cheated on his wife regularly, that they cheated on each other, and he didn’t feel guilty about it – their relationship was so awful and he needed a woman to talk to once in awhile.” How did I skim over that one? Because their relationship was bad?  So what? Because they cheated on each other?  Since when is that okay? Because he needed a woman to TALK TO? I don’t think he spent much time talking to them!

Undying Love Forever – Not

The big slap on the head happened when I used his computer (with his permission). His Yahoo messenger immediately popped up with a list of women on it named things like Hot4You and WantItBad. (Men are so f’ing stupid – did he think I wouldn’t notice? Or maybe it was intentional.) His email opened up automatically (I promise I wasn’t snooping, at least at first) and an email with a very provocative subject line was sitting in there. Since I’m only human…yep. That’s when I learned that while he was professing undying love forever to me, he was exchanging nasty pictures and chat with another woman.

I never said a word about it. I just went home and thought about the past 4 months. The rest you already know.

Written by dazzled

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6 Responses to “Romantic Men – Dangerous to Your Heart”

  1. Men are born cheaters. lol! Being romantic is their way of catching girls. Once you fall on their bait, you’re dead.. The thing is..don’t be easy on giving your trust.

    I love your post. I learned something.

    Lady Undercovers last blog post..Cheese

  2. Havenlei says:

    Men are playful, but you know.. women are better players at all. LOL! Because men are always caught!

    Havenleis last blog post..A Lovely Visage

  3. Kay says:

    Lady Undercover – I hope not all of them are born cheaters! You are right to not be too trusting.

  4. John says:

    Not all men are cheaters…..Not all men are players, but many are…the same can be said for the ladies….its all about trust and learning to know your mate…..there is no harm in checking him/her out to help build confidence and trust…..the worst thing is when you accuse without knowing……you can pull back your words once there said……keep smiling everyone

  5. Randy says:

    Give a man what he needs AND desires and the risk of betrayal goes down to nil…Leave him wanting and he’s bound to find what he wants….somewhere.

  6. John B says:

    ummm…when he told you he cheated on his wife, someone he committed the rest of his life to, someone who he spent tens of thousands of dollars to have a ceremony to consumate his commitment to, why did you think he would treat you differently?

    I really wonder sometimes why women belive these players’ BS? Then, nice guys like me get burned because women assume we’re lying. Most guys’ lies are really no-brainers. Why don’t women just think for a few minutes about guys’ pasts and feed that into their trust?

    This just reinforces my opinion that women (in general) go for the worst types of guys, expecting to change them or expecting that he will treat them differently than he’s treated every other womanin his life.

    Wake up and smell the coffee, women! Not all (or even most) guys are like this. Any they’re really pretty easy to detect, if you just rub a a few brain cells together!

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