The Subtle Flirt

So you have made it past the initial email contact, the instant messaging and the first phone call. You meet him for the first date and WOW! He’s a great guy. No red flags seem to be going off. Of course if this is happening, you want to make sure he knows you’re interested, but not come on too strong.

How do we strike the balance between bewitching enchantress and deranged stalker? Subtle flirting and non-verbal communication can be key to letting the man know he won’t be facing rejection if he asks you out again. Come on too strong, they run for the hills, not enough enthusiasm, they assume you aren’t interested. So here are a few insights to the art of flirtation.

Compliments – Pay attention, and offer well thought out and meaningful compliments. If you are just offering up platitudes or generic flattery, it will fall short. Go beyond the surface of “Nice tie” or “I like your hair” and try and find something you truly like or admire about them. Use as a segue to the next topic, or as part of your current conversation. If you pile on compliment after compliment, he will either think you are lying or his ego will swell!

Mirror Mirror – When you are attracted or close to someone, you tend to mimic their body language, gestures, volume and pitch. If you are consciously trying to mirror their behavior, make sure it’s very subtle, leaning in when they do, shifting your body when they change positions. If it looks like a mime act it might be too much.

Hair Tossing – Public grooming can often be a sign of attraction, checking your skirt or clothing, fluffing or smoothing hair. These signals tell a man that you are interested in being attractive to them. A great move is the hair toss; it exposes your neck (a VERY sexy move) and adds in the femininity of free flowing hair.

Eye Contact – This one may seem like an obvious clue, but it can be hard when nerves are high to maintain good eye contact. A six second gaze, straight into their eyes followed by a smile when you drop your gaze will tell them that you are interested and not trying to use your laser eyesight to conquer the world.

Get a Leg Up – No, not on the bar. Showing a little ankle or calf can really heat things up. Crossing your legs (as long as you aren’t flashing them) can be a very seductive move. Another classic move is sliding your heel out of your shoe and letting it hang off your foot, which can really be arousing.

Be Confident – When you speak, make eye contact. Don’t be afraid to voice an opinion. Men find women who are confident to be a huge turn on. If he asks you what kind of music or movies you like, answer definitively, not with a vague “I don’t know.”

Laughter – Both men and women list humor as one of the top qualities they are looking for in a relationship. The ability to make someone laugh, or meet someone who makes you laugh is powerful. This is something that can be a little hard to do in the beginning, but during the date, you should get a clear picture of what their sense of humor is like. Laugh at their jokes only if you mean it – fake laughter is patronizing and he’ll sense it. Just keep the humor appropriate to the situation and environment.

Mouth Off – The mouth is a very sensual area of the body…we all know why. Wearing bright or glossy lipstick can make your mouth seem kissable and lush. Also biting your lip (while in thought) or a very gentle lick of the lips can be a great signal to the guy. Just keep in mind subtle and small is the key here, unless he happens to be into porn.

Gentle Touches – Sitting close to each other, allow your knees or shoulders to touch. We aren’t talking jump in his lap, but just a brush to start with. You can then extend that to a longer period, if it’s natural for the enjoyment. You don’t want to contort yourself into an unnatural angle to continue contact.

Have Fun! Be Genuine – If you are truly having an enjoyable time, it will show in your eyes, your voice and your smile. Try to relax and have fun, showing him you are letting him see some of the “real you” will do more to let him know you are interested.

There is no definitive right and wrong to flirting. Try something, and watch the reaction. Remember, he may be just as nervous as you are and it’s possible he’s holding back.

Just make sure your flirting is understated and genuine – you try too hard and they are going to think you want to go to bed with them. If you’re looking for a second date rather than breakfast in the morning, leave a little mystery around yourself.

Let them *Think* that you are interested rather than *Know* it.

Written by Mandi
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