What Men Really Want (It Depends)

what men really wantYou’ve been on two or three dates, and now the guy has great expectations of a night in bed with you, and he’s making it obvious.

Does this mean he’s interested in you and wants a relationship?

Women need to understand the clear answer to this is NO.

All it means is that he has has been somewhat patient and finds you attractive enough to have sex with you. Which isn’t saying much, since my male friends all admit men are “dogs.”

Men are very good at knowing how to seduce you, since they’ve been observing you carefully and thinking about how to do so since they first met you. If they’re over 21 they’ve most likely had plenty of practice and have shared and learned new techniques with their buddies.

The Double Standard Exists

It’s not fair, but the double standard still exists.

Sex is a sport to most men on the dating scene, and you’re the end goal. Men separate “sport sex” and “intimate sex” in their minds, and once you’ve entered the “sports” category it’s pretty much impossible to change it.

If you let it happen (sorry, ladies, but it’s all up to you) you can expect to never hear from him again, or maybe get a few booty calls before he moves on. This is one reason why we see so many Google searches on “why didn’t he call back.”

Once you get it firmly in your mind that this is the way it really works, and you’re looking for a long term relationship with a man, ask yourself this: why would you let it happen?

Why let yourself be used for someone else’s gratification when you know they’ll soon move on to the next available female body? Why take a chance on the emotional pain you’ll experience, and the possible after affects (aka STDs)?

Decide On What You Want

Do you want to continue on with a series of casual encounters – or do you want a real relationship with a man who is interested in you as a person and not as just another female goal?

A man who wants a true relationship with you will not push for sex. He doesn’t want to ruin a good thing, and as a result self-gratification is not uppermost in his mind.

He must already be out of the “sex for the conquering hero” phase and into a time in his life where he wants an intimate relationship. This is not an age-related stage – it’s a state of mind. If he’s not at that point you’re not going to change him, no matter how wonderful you are and how well the two of you hit it off.

How to Tell a Man Wants a Relationship

Pay attention to how he acts, not so much what he says. The saying “Actions speak louder than words” is absolutely true.

  1. He calls you regularly and when he says he will
  2. He treats you with respect and acts like he thinks you’re special
  3. He doesn’t push you for sex, in fact he holds back

Give yourself time to get to know him. If one of you decides you’re not right for each other, you’ll be disappointed, but you will have saved yourself from that gut-wrenching misery and regret that the end of a sexual relationship brings.

If the relationship works out, when you do become intimate, it will be making love, not “having sex,” and it will enrich your relationship, not be the entire focus of it.

Written by dazzled

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8 Responses to “What Men Really Want (It Depends)”

  1. John says:

    Kay

    Well written! You couldnt of been more right on. Ive been through those phases in my life and everything you said is soo true. john

  2. This is a nice post. I’ve seen a lot of girls fall into this category though.

    I’ve been in those types of situations before. With me the only difference is that the goal was talked about up front. I can sense when a guy is only after me for sex and once I get those signs I stop him dead in his tracks. I tell him a few words followed by goodbye. There have been a few guys where I wound up in bed purely as a booty call but it was also discussed up front.

  3. Diana says:

    Great article. But be weary of the guys that treat you with respect and act like they think you are special…those guys could also be after one thing.

    I usually go with my gut feeling on it. If I’ve caught them in lies but they try to deny it or change their words, it doesn’t matter how nice they treat me, I still know they are after one thing.

  4. Dwacon says:

    Sadly, the guys that will treat you with respect and seek a caring and sharing relationship with you are the guys you wouldn’t even consider dating…

  5. John B says:

    I’ve got a few problems with this post. First, a little bit about me. I’m a “nice guy” who also happens to be very sexual. I’ve been in 4 medium/long term relationships in the past 17 years and in each one of those, I had sex with the woman I was in the relationship with within the first three dates. In each of these, it was not a purely (or even close) sexual relationship. I’ve only had sex with one other woman (one one-night stand) in those 17 years, and the nature of that “hook-up” was very explicit up-front and it was both ways. Actually, it was she who informed me, the day after we had sex, that she had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested in anything else from me.

    I have always been able to tell within the first 3 dates whether there was real, long-term potential. Since I am by nature, very sensual and sexual, I can usually sense when a woman is sexually attracted to me. Why would you deny the attraction just to make a guy jump through hoops? Now, I don’t have to be in love to have sex with someone, but I never lie to get sex. I have never in my life cheated on a woman with whom I was in an exclusive relationship. I have never had sex with a woman who I knew was in an exclusive relationship with someone else, even when I was single and playing the field. I have a few questions about this post:

    1) Why do you assume that a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a man within the first three dates? Why do you think sex is a “treasure” to be given up to a man to reward him for jumping through some hoops you devise? Why can’t sex be a mutually gratifying experience?

    2) What is the rationale for a man “holding back” on his desires for a woman? What is this puritanical fixation with self-denial? Don’t get me wrong. I know lots of guys do lie, flatter, etc. to get sex. Women do need to have their BS detectors on at full power (because a lot of guys do BS their way just to have sex), but just because a guy want to have sex with you after two or three dates doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in a long term relationship.

    I think that some of this advice is dead-on, namely:

    1) If you’re interested in a LTR, then the guy should do what he says he will do;

    2) He should treat you with respect; and

    3) Do what’s necessary to prevent STDs: have him wear a condom (duh)!

    But getting to know each other sexually is part of getting to know whether you’re compatible. Like the other parts of finding out whether you’re compatible. And it can be fun, if you go at it with the attitude of a process of discovery, instead of “giving up a treasure only your divinely-fated prince deserves”!

    Please tell me what is inevitable about the “gut-wrenching misery and regret that the end of a sexual relationship brings”? This is an outdated, indeed, sexist view on sexual relationships. Women can and frequently do enjoy sex! Wake up and stop living in the Puritanical past!

  6. Alina Farace says:

    Great content!
    Thanks for this post. I like very much.
    You have discussed very real matter. It is the situation generally arrives in normal life with many girls. You can have more ideas related to dating from the:
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  7. Missy says:

    To John B. the “sexual, sensual” guy – here’s a question. How many women did you think might have long term potential in the first three dates that denied you for sex that soon, and what happened. Calling this view outdated and sexist is a great way to make women feel stupid for wanting to say no. Personally, I think a reasonable outcome of the sexual revolution is that I can say no when I’m not ready. If a guy is interested me as a person, he can wait.

  8. Kay says:

    Missy – You go girl!

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