What Women Really Want

Not too long ago, I wrote a column about what men want. My email box was loaded with messages from men who said, “You got it right!” Notes from women asked if I’d write something about what they need to know about themselves…and what men need to understand about women.

Men and women’s attempts to try and communicate their differences and similarities are eternal. How we’re all wired, collectively and individually, is a mystery to be unraveled throughout a lifetime. However, with current research and information, and my own observations and experience in working with clients on their relationships, certain themes appear…over and over.

Before the following information will land with any meaning or significance to a man, the obvious is imperative: he needs to be with the woman he loves deeply, who is an honorable, trustworthy, and kind person. If she doesn’t meet that criterion, then he is with the wrong person… and will find it difficult to give his current woman what she wants.
So, Gentlemen: What do women really want?

They want to be:

1. Your number one priority

If your woman comes first in your life, it won’t be an issue between the two of you when your best friend, mother, parent, or child calls with a problem. She understands your importance to them and wants you to be the kind of guy who comes through for people. One of the things she loves about you is that you have close ties to others and you are loyal. You also take time to explain to her where you’re going and why. But if you break a special date with her because your buddies want you to go bowling with them, or your mother wants you to take her to the mall, or your child is throwing a fit because he wants a new soccer ball… now…she is going to feel resentful, unappreciated, and angry. Because, more than anything, a woman wants and needs to be number one in your life.

2. Safe

A woman wants you to be looking out for her physical safety, of course, but she especially needs to feel emotionally safe. She needs a man she can trust, who keeps his word, and who honors his commitments. If you can’t keep your agreements with her, then she needs you to be courageous and honest enough to tell her.

3. Heard

Women want to be heard. She wants you to listen, care about what she is saying, and believe her. Men tend to be (or think they are) more analytical than women. Therefore, you may have a tendency to dismiss what she is saying. If your love is trying to talk to you, turn off the cell phone and TV and give her your attention. After she speaks, summarize what she’s said to you with the added value of affirming her intentions, concerns, or opinions. Negative feedback is not helpful. Facts, information, and your experiences are appreciated if she feels you really heard her and your attitude is loving and supportive.

4. Responded to

If you do what she asks…you will have a peaceful home. Unless she is totally unreasonable, don’t argue, complain, or deride her request. If you don’t trust her, then her words will sound like demands and will have little affect on you. (And if you don’t want to respond to her, you should ask yourself why you are there.) All things being equal (she does her best to give you what you want) you don’t have to be a wimp to give her what she wants. You do need to feel secure within yourself.

5. With a stand-up guy

Women are attracted to and stay bonded with a guy who takes care of his career and business, keeps his word, takes the high road in all situations, and is not a victim of life. If she’s in love with you, she wants to please you. But if you are an endless story of growing or unresolved problems, complaining about the unfairness of life and other people, and are thin skinned or petty…she will find it hard to support you. Stand-up guys have their issues just like anyone else, but they’re willing to look at themselves, take ownership of the problem at hand, and do something about it.

If you work at the above suggestions, becoming more and more the kind of guy women want, ultimately, you will find that you are the kind of guy you want to be. So go ahead. Make her happy. You’ll make yourself happy in the process. This is what women really want.

With warmest regards,

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a coach, columnist and author of Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends. To contact her, email tonja@tonjaweimer.com or visit www.tonjaweimer.com.

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One Response to “What Women Really Want”

  1. Kyla Bear says:

    I agree. So many men think women are attracted to being treated like crap. I enjoy dating websites because they tell the truth.

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